Heaven

Today, Beth and my parents and I were driving home from Fred Meyers when we started talking about my late grandma.

"She's in Heaven," Beth said.
"Yep!"
"I'm nervous to go." She points up.
"What's there to be nervous about?"
"I'm afraid of heights."


Too cute.

Judgement Day

I often find myself only wanting to write on here in negative situations, but refrain from doing so as thats not what I wanted this to be.

Today, though, I have a topic that's neither negative nor embarassing!

I'm sitting here at work and a father and his daughter are waiting in our waiting area. His daughter, I've noticed, is about three or four, very energetic, and has Downs! It's hard for me to not sit here and watch them the whole time, as little kids with Downs are the cutest things to me! Anyway, the girl's dad noticed my noticing and I could tell he's been on the defense before. I never feel comfortable saying, "Oh, you're daughter has Downs? So does my older sister!" because there is always that chance that the kid has genetically small features, or is just innately joyful. I never risk it =)

Well, due to this, I had an epiphany: How the people around me treat people with disabilities severely impacts my relationship with them, even if they don't know it. Most of the people in my life don't know about my sister, simply because I chose in high school to stop defining myself by my family in general. Because of this, people are less inhibited when interacting with people with disabilities around me, I've found. In first grade, my best friend knew my sister, but was terrifed of her. She did not associate with disabled kids, but would force herself to with my sister. In tenth grade my best friend knew and had a laugh with (not at) the kids in the Special Ed program, without knowing about my sister. There is a man with autism (asberger's, I think) that comes into my work every day, and it's so interesting seeing my coworkers interact with him. No one here knows about my sister's disability, and not everyone is nice to the guy. At all. Some people baby him, some people talk to him like he's a human being, and some people try their best to ignore him, even though he knows all of their names, and even when he's standing right in front of them. I'm not sure if it's a personality thing, but I'm pretty sure it's because of my sister that I judge people on such 'simple' terms.

Truth

I'm starting to wonder if it's actually hard being someone with 'special needs'. I'm not even thinking about the poor souls that are bedridden, or go through numerous bouts of cancer. I just mean the people with Downs Syndrome, Autism, etc. The rarely-fatal-but-life-altering issues.

I occasionally have quite serious talks with Beth about how she wants to be like me & our other sister. She's told me that she's 'all done' with being 'like this', and that she doesnt like being different. I automatically try to change the topic, or use the cheesy "We're all different!" lines, but I think she's starting to catch on. Still, what do you say? I'm sorry, there's nothing you can do? That's horrible. But, is it better to say that than to say nothing or to change the topic? She often brings up her desire to drive, go to prom, and go on dates. I try to deter here by listing the negatives, which usually works for a little while. A long term fix would be better, though.

I can't really imagine wanting to do so much but only being allowed to do so little due to reasons beyond your control. Beth watches Disney Channel, and went to public school, so she has a vague idea of what she's missing. She sees Sharaya and me come and go with our social lives, family, and jobs and she knows there are inescapable odds that she won't have half of it.

My altime favorite Shia LaBeouf movie is Tru Confessions. It was a Disney Channel Original Movie back in the early early 2000's. In it, Tru has a twin brother (Shia) with special needs. Whoever wrote it must have experienced this all first hand, and it's so real. My favorite scene captures a bit of what I'm talking about:

Small Talk

One night when my parents were on a date I decided to take Beth to her favorite restaurant - McDonalds - and a movie. Whilst at McDonalds we were talking about the show Hannah Montana, how much she loved Nick Jonas, and how excited for the movie she was.

Then, suddenly, she changed topic.

She started talking to me about how badly she didn't want to die, and how much she's going to miss us when she goes. She said she was excited to be with our late grandma, but that she didn't want to die first. She didn't want our parents to die, but she didn't want to die before them. Then she asked me if I would miss her, too.

Coming from someone who's conversation topics rarely stray from what's been on the Disney Channel recently, I was dumbstruck. So was our sister Sharaya when I told her the news. Beth never usually opens up to anyone about anything, let alone life's intricacies.

I guess you just never know what goes on in their minds.

nicknames

Beth goes by two names in my house: Chickenbutt and Bobin. Many many years ago Sharaya - the middle sister - and Beth started calling each other Bobin. (I think it had to do with Bob the Tomato from Veggie Tales, but I'm not certain...)

Anyway with this nickname between the two of them, Beth didn't feel right calling me 'Diana', so she came up with a new one. Where Chickenbutt originated from is beyond me, but that is the only name we are known by to each other. My parents used to correct her and force her to use my proper name, but it never lasted. I refer to Chickenbutt around my friends and coworkers before I register how ridiculous that probably sounds. Oh well! She is Chickenbutt. So, if you come across that name later on here...that's who it is. =)